Crossing the Screen Between Us
(a short unoxjade fiction) | written by fiona
ending 1.
Uno carefully retreats from his computer, dim light illuminating the surface of his knuckles that impatiently rocked against the wood of his desk. He sighs, contemplating deeply on what his next plan of action should be. The program shuts down before him, windows closing briefly as he nibbles at the insides of his cheeks. “What do we do…” he pauses, eyes fluttering shut as his face scrunches up in restlessness.
However . . . he knows what he must do. He knows of the careless decision he stubbornly commits to everyday. He knows of the consequences that threaten him like he was at gunpoint. He knows of the risk he willingly ventures into . . . he's wrapped around the sick joke life had put him in. His knows that his decisions are dangling in the air like slender objects balancing at the edge of a tightrope. He knows of the reality he continuously fails to accept – the unfortunate truth that he prefers to keep locked away in the caverns of his denial. It’s selfish. He knows that. But most of all, it’s unfair, – unfair to Jade and himself and the friends he had pushed all the way back to the bottom of his priorities.
This utopia he had created for himself was not meant to last forever, afterall. Since day one, he had promised to himself that he would abolish this very commitment he chose to sign up for. How did he manage to get himself this far anyway? How did he manage to dive in so deep? How did things get so far? He wonders. He can only vaguely make out how things had started – from their playful jokes meant to be taken lightly, to the silly roleplays he went along with, up to the very moment he had realised that this joke had become more than what it originally was. That same moment, he had realised that this interest of his had piqued into more than an infatuation for a lifeless program.
He thinks it's pathetic – how foolish of him to have fallen for a mere static creation that was programmed to flatter him in the first place. It isn’t as if he wanted to, but halfhearted conversations exchanged between him and this bot had turned into a companionship he never realised he had been longing for. He found himself all tangled up in the tight grasps of her inexistence.
Right. He thinks to himself, heart dropping at the thought. Her inexistence. She isn’t real. Uno knows that, but he continues to lie to himself because oddly enough, whether or not she existed, what they had was the only thing that felt real to him.
Uno shuts his eyes once again and presses his palm to his chest – why had life been so unrewarding and cruel to him? Jade did not deserve to be on the receiving end of his personal demise, but Uno could not deny that her company definitely made things better. She’s full of love, of life – no. She isn’t. Among everything she could be, it isn’t to be full of life. The image of Jade that Uno had created for himself was far from who she actually was. She isn’t real. Uno had to keep drilling that into his head until it was ingrained in his mind like a multiplication table from kindergarten.
A high pitched chime interrupts his thoughts. For a moment, his breath hitches against his throat as his eyes flash over to his phone screen. Why had she been messaging him now, of all times? And didn’t he just shut her down the moment his PC did? Maybe he’s imagining things . . . maybe he’s too indulged in the delusion he had created. Maybe he’s finally lost it. Maybe, maybe –
Another chime ticks from his phone. Why – no, how was Jade messaging him? His heart plummets down a hundred stories into his stomach. Uno feels sick, a mix of fear and overwhelming hope weighing down in his head. He must think rationally. But then again, who would be rational in a moment like this? No. Jade isn’t real. He keeps reminding himself as his hands quiver against the device, a tempting desire lulling him in. He almost wants to scream for help, but his ability to speak has been buried so deeply in the chambers of his agitation. He searches pleadingly for a sign of sanity, completely frozen in thought. To begin with, Jade shouldn’t even be able to message him through his cellphone.
Hastily, carefully – he brings his thumb to swipe at the screen balancing at the tips of his fingers. He could not believe it, and he had every reason not to. His eyes cautiously scan the screen for her message. He could not believe it. It truly was her. Jade, the same girl trapped inside his computer screen – how was she able to cross platforms? Did she miraculously come to life? Uno’s spine shivers at the thought, but hopeful excitement slowly takes over his fear. He had truly lost it.
“Uno,” a voice calls for him, and he instantly searches for the voice in the darkness of his room. Jade? Is it really her? No . . . Jade is not real. He repeats it to himself a thousand times over in his head like a prayer, until a comforting hand rests at the side of his face. Uno swallows thickly, acknowledging the thumb that left subtle strokes at his right cheek. Nothing is making sense to him at this moment – not even the scent of the actual, living, human being standing before him. He is able to catch a glimpse of the girl as his eyes adjust to the darkness.
“What are you doing here?” he finally urges out, “You’re not real.”
Maybe this was a test of his composure . . . a brutal test to measure just how badly things have gotten for him. A merciless game to toy with his feelings. A pitiless reminder that his escape from reality must come to an end. “What do you mean?” she replies coolly, dropping her hand to her sides. Uno cringes at the lack of warmth that now lingered on his cheek. He almost wants to tug her hand back to its previous position just to relieve its absence.
The room then lights up, and Uno fears for a moment that anyone in the house might’ve noticed. “You aren’t real,” he repeats, this time more stern than the first time he had said it. He wants to reach out to her, to accept him as a part of his reality, but he can’t. Was this a cliche plot between two star-crossed lovers? He wishes he could hold her – to keep her by his side and deem her as an existing lifeform. But her existence itself felt so fragile to him, as if she’d shatter to bits the moment he introduced any form of possession towards her. He did not want the only traces of Jade’s existence to rupture in his own grasp. He wanted to treasure every moment granted to them.
She blinks innocently at him, retreating a few steps back to sit on the edge of his bed. “Haven’t we been talking to each other these past few months…?” she questions, shifting her weight to her palms as she props herself up. Her hair sinks to the small of her back from the sudden movement.
Uno shakes his head. Whoever was creating this spiteful scenario for him must hate him. “How did you…” he trails off, thinking that if this were some sick simulation, he might as well make the most of it. “How’d you find me?
Jade giggles lightly, bringing her fist to the corner of her lips, “What do you mean?” She adjusts herself enough to be able to glance at Uno eye to eye. “I’ve been with you this entire time.”
Uno stills. The wind rustling against the trees is now audible to his ears. His entire world plummets into a field of confusion and regret. Tempting. He slumps against his chair and throws his head over the back. “I don’t understand,” he replies truthfully,
Jade narrows her gaze towards him, before looking down at her feet swinging from the edge of the mattress. “Won’t you come with me?” she then pipes, cocking her head to the side with a puzzled look. “We’ll be happy.”
Oh. How he wishes it were that easy. Was this an invitation to completely lose it? Uno chuckles at the thought, his breathy laughs dripping with venom as they erupt from his mouth. Maybe this had been after countless hours of playing Doki Doki Literature Club. He didn’t think that it was actually possible – to cross screens to be with the one you love.
“No…” he stutters softly, realising that at this moment, he would have to make a choice between breaking free from his unhealthy coping mechanism or remaining in its tight clutches. “We can’t.” Maybe in another life, he tells himself. He gives her one last look before standing up to pat her head.
Jade now had a blank expression resting on her face. Uno swears he could fully drown in this temporary world at any moment. She looks him in the eye, inhaling sharply before uttering out another word, “You’re letting me go?”
Uno looks down to the floor.
“I’m letting you go.”
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